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At first it was a light chat, but later there were moments when it took a turn towards someone getting hurt. We have defined the boundary between ‘fun chat’ and ‘landmines.’
In the flow of criticizing someone, if you don’t agree, you become ‘Are you on that side too?’
The moment you try to confirm your belonging in a relationship, chatter becomes censored.
Drawing a Line Sentence: **“I don’t know the situation, so I’ll reserve judgment.”**
“It’s a joke~” Someone behind me has a hard expression.
When the subject matter is people, it sounds like ‘evaluation’ rather than laughter.
Change object: person → situation. **“The situation” instead of “The person”**
I'm worried that someone might capture/forward it to me.
When there is a risk of transmission, trust in gatherings is rapidly broken.
Safety Sentence: **“This is only here. Don’t let it go out.”**
This may be the moment when laughter becomes ‘cheating.’
Assertiveness divides relationships.
It is an atmosphere where neutrality is not allowed.
When mixed, it becomes clear.
Example: “The facts are A, my interpretation is B, and my feelings are C.”
Situational feedback instead of evaluation.
Example: “That behavior wasn’t very good” is OK, “That person wasn’t very good” is NO.
Safety, not conformity.
Example: “If you don’t know, you can withhold judgment.”
Keep trust as a rule.
Example: “Capturing/transmitting is prohibited. This ends here.”
Try saying: “I don’t know the situation, so I’ll reserve judgment.”
Try saying: “That might sound like an evaluation of a person… so let’s just talk about the situation.”
Try saying: “Let’s just talk about this here. If we go out, it’ll be uncomfortable for both of us.”
A. No. As long as you leave out the ‘evaluation/determination/dissemination of people’, chatting makes relationships closer.
A. Fights will decrease if you say, “I’m not trying to break the mood, I’m putting in place a safety measure to make us more comfortable.”
The conversation continues, but when you get home, you feel strangely tired. We've outlined what misunderstandings arise from which combinations and even the solution routines that can be used right away.
The group chat is noisy, but the date/location is not decided until the end. The rule is not ‘who procrastinates’ but ‘why the structure can’t make a decision’.
Settlement, Dutch, prepayment, membership fee… Minor money issues can drastically change the temperature of a relationship. Rather than ‘who paid more,’ we sorted out the problems that arise because ‘there are no rules.’
There are moments when the existing members are comfortable, but it is difficult for new people to join. If you are too considerate, it becomes awkward again. We have organized operating rules that blend in naturally.