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There are moments when the existing members are comfortable, but it is difficult for new people to join. If you are too considerate, it becomes awkward again. We have organized operating rules that blend in naturally.
The existing members burst into laughter and the new members just laugh.
If you are ‘watching’ rather than ‘being together’, you will get tired.
Memories are short, connecting questions: **“Have you had a similar experience?”**
Keep asking “Are you okay?” “Isn’t it uncomfortable?” It's even more awkward because I checked.
When consideration feels like a ‘prosecution’, tension rises.
Consideration of structure instead of direct checking: Move **seat/subject/turn** naturally.
There is no room for new members to come in between the existing members.
If the relationship is already solidified, the new member has no ‘position’.
Short pairing: **2:2 conversation → shuffle to global sharing**.
Explanation becomes a ‘lesson’ rather than participation.
New members can't find the right time to intervene.
There is a clear sense of distance.
If it gets longer, it becomes a sight to behold.
Example: “Just briefly! This is what happened then and it’s over.”
Open the ‘door’ for new members to speak.
Example: “What would you do in a situation like this?”
It’s less stressful than a full conversation.
Example: “Let’s talk 2:2 for 10 minutes and then get back together.”
You become closer to your tastes faster than your job/specs.
Example: “What are you into these days?”
Try saying: “This is a meme between us… Do you like this style?”
Try saying: “What is the most fun thing for you these days?”
Try saying: “Relax! Let’s just talk about your preferences.”
A. A 1:1 or 2:2 conversation is much more comfortable than a full conversation. The fastest way is to change the structure.
A. If you say, “I’m not asking for change, but rather a device to make it easier for new people,” resistance will decrease.
The conversation continues, but when you get home, you feel strangely tired. We've outlined what misunderstandings arise from which combinations and even the solution routines that can be used right away.
The group chat is noisy, but the date/location is not decided until the end. The rule is not ‘who procrastinates’ but ‘why the structure can’t make a decision’.
Settlement, Dutch, prepayment, membership fee… Minor money issues can drastically change the temperature of a relationship. Rather than ‘who paid more,’ we sorted out the problems that arise because ‘there are no rules.’
At first it was a light chat, but later there were moments when it took a turn towards someone getting hurt. We have defined the boundary between ‘fun chat’ and ‘landmines.’